10 November 2010

The Miracle of the Corporate Economy

When is a job offer not actually a job offer? Might as well ask, would you like regular or premium with your yummy Gulf of Mexico shrimp? Well, OK, maybe that isn’t much of a comparison, or analogy, or whatever; in any case, lacking any Clown Train (to be defined and explained at a later date) offenses to decency and good taste to illuminate at present, I offer this little e-mailed snippet of corporate vomit to all my fellow unemployed compatriots. This is 100% real -- the message, if not the purported “job” it supposedly relates to:

Sullivan & Myers, major in digital and offset printing industry in the United States, is expanding its network and hiring several professionals. Sullivan & Myers have over 10 years of experience in digital and offset printing, as well as in advertising industry. We specialize in both low and high budget resolutions. After crisis, printing & publishing industry has experienced drastic. To adjust to a new market environment and get overcome new challenges, our team is in need of few more professionals. A position of Junior packing specialist is available and highly responsible individuals. This is a part-time that fits best students or those not satisfied with full work-day. This job requires reasonable level of computer literacy, high-speed Internet access and ability to perform routine orders while working under some pressure. This is a great choice for those who wish to increase their monthly revenue as Sullivan & Myers offer fair remuneration and some advantages for employees, including paid vacation and reasonable discount for services and products of the company and its partners. If you are interested in this job, please with your attached. Please note/pay attention that only short-listed candidates will be contacted. No calls will be accepted.

A translation into non-Russian-mafia-transliterated-American-English would be appreciated, but not particularly interesting. Junior packing specialist indeed!

01 November 2010

The Bottom of the Second Pint (Not the Official Blog-Launch)

Anatomy of a conundrum: Fat-cat bastards destroy the economy, wrecking one’s ability to earn a living; no work means defaulting on a virtual Kilimanjaro of toxic debt; default means flushing one’s “credit worthiness” straight down the crapper; the only remedy is a job, but prospective employers won’t touch you with a ten-foot cattle prod if you have bad credit . . . which doesn’t really matter, as there are no jobs to be had anyway. Meanwhile, over-priced crackers from alleged places like “Alabama” and “North Carolina,” playing an absurd children’s game for a team located in San Francisco, California, are on the verge of winning something called the “World Series.”

There’s an election of some sort tomorrow, isn’t there? I thought so.

Official Blog-Launch Forthcoming; Meanwhile, For Those Without A Clue . . .

. . . as to what a balloon-mounted bar gong actually looks like:

Electric version may appear slightly different.

31 October 2010

Hell is on going

Hell is going O.K. I have here the on going what.

28 October 2010

Oh, Sing Out, Balloon-mounted Bar-gong!

Press Menu enter name press set delete and clear, Navigate distinctive ring assigned to copy yourself for others. Greet message, leave message, erase message. Your own basic feature summary. Advanced basic feature set for automatic friendly reception. Initial volume connects help button. Free peace of mind at no extra cost. Do not dissassemble this unit if any regulations posted in the area instruct you not to do so. Limits generate no gaurantee that interference will provide communication...

Blog Questionaire one thru five, double answers equal dualities unforeseen as when.....

Question One; I object to a new fundamental hope with blog achievement.
Two; How do you intend to method strategic employ reaching plan techniques?
Three; Countless numbers noticed this one characteristisc --stand unique.
Five; In summary, answeres re-state pretensions to prevalent grammer and
stylized misspellings ignore tortured smugness leaving out steno-
adreno-insuffero-ignoro. Sumpoblog in the fetidsphere.

5 1/2 x 2 = 6/8, 5/8

19 October 2010

Apparently, Guy Normal Didn't Get The Memo

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst verbegens.

    -- Friedrich Schiller

Which translates as, With stupidity even the gods struggle in vain. Guy Normal, fictional character or not, is apparently unaware of the serious protocols inherent to the blogging business, such as proper formatting (especially fonts), the critical use of images to take up as much space as possible (thus establishing one's erudite blogger bona fides), and the uppermost requirement of making as little sense as possible. Well, maybe he got that one right, I can't tell. Whatever. I hope this is not an indication of things to come -- I'm not particularly hopeful.

Off we go! Holy shit!

18 October 2010

character reads author's mind, begins to worry

Hello E.B., Guy Normal, ficticious character from the dramatic series, "A Night in Lucerne"would like to submit an inititial post for fun and test purposes. Guy recently snooped around into the notes of his creator and author, and discovered the following:

Statement of Purpose:
By exploring the higher concepts revealed in commonplace events, we hope to expose the dramatic folly that endarkens the varied manifestations of absurdity.

Understandably, Guy Normal is worried. What dark and foolish drama does his
author have in store? And with what weird characters may he to be forced to deal?
Will there be Murder? Arson? One eyed cops and mind-reading ghosts? Poison
lakes of inflammable jello? What about love, food, and paid vacation? (o yes, Guy,
plenty of that, but not the kind you expect!)